figure skating jokes

[neeks.on.ice.]

does anyone know any good ones? i found a few and they're funny if you know about skating from about 10 years ago :lol:
-How is music like ice skating? If you don't "C sharp" you'll "B flat."

-A TV commentator at the Olympics skating competition commented that "the death spiral was always a Russian specialty". Not always. Just for the last 600 years.
(George Tucker)

-How do you get a complex ice pair number? Find a real figure skater and pair him with Surya Bonaly!
(Ana Gonzalez)

-While ice-skating, my friend had a nasty fall, sliding face-downward 20-feet across the ice. The rink doctor examined him and decided there was nothing he could do for him or the large bruise on his forehead. "Would you like some ice for that?" he offered. (author unknown)

-"This week 15-year-old gold medalist Tara Lipinski made a lot of news. She is now going to be advertising a figure skating Barbie doll. This will be the first Barbie ad where under the spokesperson's picture it says 'actual size."
(From: Conan O'Brien 3/4/98)

-"Oksana Baiul, Olympic gold medal figure skater, over the weekend lost control of her car and was arrested for driving under the influence...According to police reports, her blood alcohol level was .16, .16, .15, .16, .16, .16, .16, .15 and .14 from the East German judge."
(from David Letterman 1/22/97)

[dancePRINCESS]

-"This week 15-year-old gold medalist Tara Lipinski made a lot of news. She is now going to be advertising a figure skating Barbie doll. This will be the first Barbie ad where under the spokesperson's picture it says 'actual size."
(From: Conan O'Brien 3/4/98)


aww that is sooo cute!! i love that one

and the oksana one is horrible but i think its funny.

[sonador16]

I LOVE this thread. Unfortunately, I can't think of any jokes that are funny at the moment :D

My favorite, personally, is "If figure skating were easy, it would be called hockey." :D

[Sashacohenfan]

-"This week 15-year-old gold medalist Tara Lipinski made a lot of news. She is now going to be advertising a figure skating Barbie doll. This will be the first Barbie ad where under the spokesperson's picture it says 'actual size."
(From: Conan O'Brien 3/4/98)

-"Oksana Baiul, Olympic gold medal figure skater, over the weekend lost control of her car and was arrested for driving under the influence...According to police reports, her blood alcohol level was .16, .16, .15, .16, .16, .16, .16, .15 and .14 from the East German judge."
(from David Letterman 1/22/97)

ITA with dancePRINCESS, they were funny! Haha where did you find them?!

[neeks.on.ice.]

lol i was looking for a "you know you're a figure skater if...." list and i ran across this

[x0_iceangel_0x]

hey i found these

'you might be a figure skating if...'

1. You've been high off of zamboni fumes at least once.
2. Upon hearing a song, you map out the choreography in your head.
3. You know when someone says its the last time you'll do a move, they really don't mean it.
4. You have no accumulated sun damage because you never leave the rink.
5. When you see someone of the opposite sex on the street, you don't think "DATE!", you think "PAIR/DANCE PARTNER!"
6. You realize that in order to win an international pair event you must be from a communist country (Russia or China).
7. You like the way the ice smells.
8. You want Brian Joubert.
9. You like to buy your shoes half a size smaller than you really need so they feel like your skates.
10. You have permenant marks on the back of your ankles from pointing your toe.
11. If you hear the music from Carmen, you get VERY annoyed.
12. If you hear music from "Swan Lake" you think of Oksana wearing that weird thing on her head.
13. You call the "Fiesta Tango" the "Fiasco Tango"
14. When you walk past a prom dress in a mall and see the nice beading, you imagine it in skating dress form.
15. You want a Vera Wang costume.
16. You've met a sport psychologist at least once.
17. You keep winter clothes in your closet year round.
18. You're used to hearing phrases such as "Just one more, then you're done", "Point your toe", "Hold your head up straight", "Don't land that double lutz so close to the wa... Oh too late.", "Lean", and "Check!"
19. Chances are, your parents don't have a beach house.
20. You actually understand these jokes.

[DoubleloopCryst]

^Those have acually already been posted in the You might be a figure skater if... thread. Those are good though.:)